Skyscraper

Have you ever wondered what Die Hard would be like if Bruce Willis had a pair massive breasts? If so, then Skyscraper (1996) is the film that you’ve been waiting. 

The impressively chested Anna Nicole Smith plays a helicopter pilot who finds herself accidentally trapped in the titular skyscraper when terrorists takeover the building in order to steak a computer chip. 

The film opens with a clandestine meeting between the CIA and a shady businessman who wants to sell the computer chip. Despite the presence of so many serious looking security agents, no-one notices the suspicious looking lorry parked nearby. Within moments a bunch of long-haired beefcakes pile out and capture the chip.

However, the gizmo they’re after is made up of four components which are scattered around Los Angeles. To steal them, the terrorists choose to fly to their various meetings using Anna Nicole Smith’s helicopter taxi service. I guess even terrorists want to avoid the notorious LA gridlock.

As she flies the helicopter, director Raymond Martino repeatedly cuts to shots of Anna Nicole Smith’s hand wrapped around the chopper’s joystick in a decidedly suggestive manner. In the *ahem* hands of Russ Meyer this would have been an amusing visual gag. Here, the execution is fatally hamstrung between smut and embarrassment at such a cheap joke.

As the villains make their way to collect the final piece, Anna rumbles their dastardly scheme. And with commendable gumption for a helicopter taxi pilot, endeavours to tackle them single-handed.

This sets up one of the most shameless Die Hard rip-offs you’ll ever encounter. The iconic rooftop plunge, and air vent crawling action all faithfully reprised. Had Smith at any point run barefoot over broken glass it’d be a shot-for-shot remake. 

Anyway, all the gunplay alerts the police who are prevented from entering the building by the skyscraper’s high-tech security system. The terrorists have also brought along an impressive supply of rocket launchers to further dissuade the police from interfering with their plans. And when a police helicopter gets too close, the terrorists solitary female - a leather vest wearing badass - takes out the chopper with one well aimed shot.

Artistic merit

A nicely realistic chopper fireball, however, the sequence lacks any kind of tension. The helicopter is purposelessly buzzing around, and never looks like it’s going to be anything other than destroyed. And no-one seems bothered when it’s shot down.

Exploding helicopter innovation

This is a shameless Die Hard rip-off. Innovation is not this film’s strong point.

Positives

Despite its obvious low budget, some of the action sequences are surprisingly well handled. The opening alley gunfight being a case in point, despite bearing uncanny parallels to Clear And Present Danger made a couple of years earlier.

Negatives

Various reviews of this film talk about a ‘hot’ shower scene with Anna Nicole Smith, however, this sequence has been cut from the edition which I saw. In fact the trailer I saw also includes clips of scenes not in the version I watched.

And whilst clearly never destined to be a classic this film could have been so much better. I can’t help but return to my earlier thought that in the hands of Russ Meyer this could have been a b-movie classic.

Want more?

Check out the review of Skyscraper by our buddies at Comeuppance Reviews.